Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Second Gift - Loss of Control

I'm loving the book "Seven Spiritual Gifts of Waiting" (Whitcomb). The second gift discussed is loss of control. I'm the kind of gal who likes things to be organized and orderly. I have a plan, I arrive on time and I like being in charge. So this "loss of control" idea isn't really appealing to me!

During our first adoption, I was anxious as I prepared our adoption dossier documents. I wanted to be sure that I did it right, so we didn't hit any delays caused by my error along the way. However, once I sent that dossier off to the agency and the waiting began, I didn't find it that difficult. I knew that there wasn't anything else that I could do. It was in the hands of the agency and the other government. My part was done. I thought having no control over it would bother me, but it was actually kind of freeing.

I think that is the essence of the author's point in this chapter. Once you realize there's not a darned thing you can do about the waiting, it can give you a sense of freedom. It allows you time to let go and help others along the way. She also says it can teach you resilience. I'm sure it does, but that gift comes with hindsight, I think!

The difference between the first wait and this second adoption wait for me is that it is so much longer. It wasn't hard to give up control when everything went according to the plan in my head (if not a little faster than I thought it would). When everything seems to come to a screeching halt, it is much harder to feel the freedom in the wait.

I read once that you should take all your worries and anxieties and wrap them up in a little mental box in the morning and send them up to God. He's got it covered. I try to do that, but sometimes I find myself peeking in the box. Just shaking it a little or popping open the lid a bit to see what's in there. Then I remind myself I don't need to hold onto this stuff. Send it to someone who is better equipped to deal with it. Someone who sees the whole picture, not just the little pieces in the box.

How is that "loss of control" thing working for you? Love your comments.


Cindy said...

I would love to have a list of those ahead of us in line for be able to check off each family's name as they receive referrals, and to know how many are ahead of us. I realize it is not as simple as that...but it would help me feel like I have some idea of the wait. As I type that, though, I realize that God has already chosen the child He wants for our family...and it will be in His timing when we complete our adoption.

I think this book will be the next one on my list of must-reads!


Anonymous said...

One of the reasons that waiting is so hard for me is the loss of control. However, I have to say that during our adoption wait, I kept putting it back in God's hands almost every day. I need to do that more now in my daily life as a mother, spouse, employee.

I was fortunate that our agency had a website where we communicated with other families in the process as well. We knew how long it was taking or we thought we did.

The other thing to remember is that it is worth the wait. I could not imagine what it would be like to hold our son for the first time or the privilege it is to be his mother and shower him with kisses every morning when he wakes up.

I am glad you are enjoying the book!