Spinning in Circles

Greetings, fellow waiters! Hope this holiday season is finding you full of joy. We've been enjoying our share of Christmas celebrations. Our church has always done a children's nativity where the children act out the story of Christmas. This is my 9th Christmas at this church and ever since my first Christmas there, I couldn't wait to have a child old enough to be a "sheep" in the nativity.

Long before we even thought of having children (we had just gotten engaged that first Christmas), I loved the sheep. The sheep are 4 and 5 year olds who dress in sweatsuits turned inside-out. They enter from the back of the church and crawl down the aisle on their hands and knees "BAAing" with all their might. It makes me teary-eyed every year. The older children are shepherds and try their best to herd the unruly sheep. It's a mess every year, but such a delight!

This year, my daughter was finally old enough to be a sheep! I was so excited. She, however, was not. She did not want to be a sheep. I tried everything to convince her. I told her how sad Mommy would be if she didn't do it. I told her how much fun it would be. I pointed out other kids she knew who would be sheep, too. Finally, I gave up and told her Santa was still watching and he wanted her to be a sheep. (hangs head in shame). Parenting is not easy, you know.

The big day arrives and I have my camera in hand hanging out of my pew to capture the big moment. For a second, I think she may have "baacked out" of this, but there she is....last sheep in the flock. She's straggling behind, but she's moving. She finally gets up to the stage where they have practiced how they are going to sit and face baby Jesus. Focus on baby Jesus, the director has told them over and over.

I notice that my precious sheep is the only one without ears. This does not surprise me. I'm just glad she made it down the aisle. However, sitting still isn't her thing, really. So, she stays on her bottom, but instead of focusing on Jesus she spins in circles. Constant motion the entire time. At one point, she looks like she is going to jump off the stage, but I give her the "Mommy face" and a strong head nod, "no" and she goes back to spinning.

Later, I see that I failed to capture her coming down the aisle. I was so busy trying to find her and wave to her, I missed her completely. I did get a nice shot of the back of her head.

After I tell this story a few times, it occurs to me that once again, God is teaching me through my child. I know all too well that I am called to focus on Jesus, too. God knows all too well, that usually I can be found spinning in circles, totally distracted and looking like I may jump off, too! How many times does he gently shake his head, "no" and ask me to be still?

It's been a disappointing year around here. There were several big things that God said, "No, not yet, maybe later" to this year. It's frustrating. We get the message that he would like us to sit still. As we finish out the year, I am going to do my best to focus on Jesus. I'm thinking of making this blog more of a waiting devotional next year. Let me know if you like that idea.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours. May 2009 bring us abundant joy!

Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."
Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him..."

Holiday Waiting

The holiday season is upon us and this festive time of year can be tough on waiting families. On one hand, there is so much to do that there isn't much time to dwell on the waiting. However, the pain seems a bit deeper this time of year. We all want to hang another stocking by the chimney with care, in hopes our referral soon will be here!

How can we support each other during the holiday waiting? Any good ideas out there? Do you buy a present or two for the child that will be part of your family or does that make it harder? We did buy gifts for our daughter before we had a referral. Of course, we got a referral two weeks after Christmas, so it seemed more reasonable then!

A friend just emailed me and asked how she can love us better while we wait. Just by asking that question, she is loving us well already. Sometimes all you need is a little reminder that other people remember you are waiting and hurt with you. So, for all of you reading this, I remember you are waiting!

Now, go drown your sorrows in turkey and pumpkin pie!

3rd Time's a Charm?

Met with our social worker this week.

Score is: Homestudy update 3 ... Referral 0

sigh. 'nuff said.

Gift #7 Trust in God

I'm finally posting about the last chapter of the excellent book "Seven Spiritual Gifts of Waiting" (Whitcomb). Waiting helps us learn to trust in God. One idea in this section is making a container to serve as "God's In-box." Whatever you are worring about, just write it down and give it to God. It's a visual reminder that God cares and is at work in our situations.

She also talks about how we console ourselves with the thought that God's will be done in our situation. However, we seem to always have a negative view of this. She talks about how people always say "It must have been God's will" when tragic things happen. But we rarely say "It must have been God's will that I got that promotion at work." We need to remember that God is on our side. She quotes minister Wayne Muller who says we need to substitute "Thy love be done" in place of "Thy will be done."

God waits for us all the time to be in communication with Him. One of the easiest and best things we can do is "offer it up" to God through prayer.

Great book. I encourage you to read it for yourself. I think it will really speak to the spiritual person who is waiting and doesn't understand why they need to wait. Has it made the waiting easier? Not really. But, it has given the wait a stronger sense of purpose. I get the idea that God has some things he's teaching me throughout the waiting. Now the question is, am I learning my lessons?

My wise and wonderful 4 year old daughter said to me out of the blue a few days ago:
"Mommy, God is my best friend."
Mommy says (while choking on the bite of dinner I had just stuck in my mouth), "What did you say?"
"God is my best friend. We play together all the time. I can't see him yet, but he's my best friend. Why can't I see God again, Mommy?"
I go on to explain that God is way up high in heaven and even though we can't see him, he is always with us everywhere.

And even as I'm explaining this to her, I feel God explaining it to me. "Hey Big Girl, I'm with you too, ya know. Maybe you can't see me right this second in this situation, but I'm still there. Am I your best friend? Do you play/pray with me all the time?"

Oh, kids...they constantly teach us parents all about the important stuff in life, don't they? Here's wishing you a divine best friend while you wait!

Waiting and Depression

Betcha think we are going to talk about the emotional side of waiting today? Nope, I'm referring to the next "Great Depression" the news media has been predicting these past few days. It's hard not to freak out if you watch too many news stories!

However, I think this long adoption wait has actually been good for us in relation to the economy. Since we know/hope that someday we will get a referral, we have been very hesitant to spend any money outside of necessities. We have been trying to save up for the adoption and the longer it takes, the more expensive it gets. Just shelled out another $550 to the home study agency for another update. I think I need to own a home study agency!

I feel like we have already gotten good at being frugal and knowing what's important and what isn't when it comes to material goods. Of course there are still a few things we could quickly remove from our budget if needed. (Cable, newspaper, preschool if we absolutely had to!).

On the flip side, I'm worried about my hubby's job (in a construction related industry--not a good place to be). Wouldn't it be our luck that just before referral, he'll lose his job.

That's my biggest worry about this whole financial mess: something will get in the way of our second adoption. All of this waiting and money spent and we'll end up without another child. I pray that doesn't happen. That's all I can do. We've done everything we can do from our end to prepare. It's up to the Big Guy now! I know His plan is better than mine, so we'll just have to wait and see.

...and clip some more coupons!

Is this financial crisis affecting your adoption? Leave me a comment!

Waiting for a waiting blog post?

If you've been waiting for a waiting blog post, you've been waiting awhile! Sorry, I just realized it's been forever since I wrote on here. I think about it, but I just never sit down and do it!

We still have the 7th gift from the "Seven Spiritual Gifts of Waiting" book to be discussed, but that can wait until next time. Today's post is just gibberish, I think!

We did take our house off the market, so that is actually a big relief for the moment. We're getting ready to update paperwork for the adoption again. How many times we will have to do that is anyone's guess! Our daughter is back in preschool for her last year and I'm suddenly realizing how big she is! Less than a year until kindergarten. We should make more crafts, we should read more books, we should watch less TV, etc. I'm having a little Mommy freak out. Where did all that time go and did I spend it wisely? I'm so lucky to be home, but sometimes I let the housework and every day stuff take up the whole day and I don't just sit down and enjoy my kid like I used to.

We were watching video from when she first came home. She was so different. Take my advice...make sure you videotape! You won't remember what they were like. The pictures help, but the videos are so great to watch. My daughter thinks watching videos of herself is so much fun!

Fall is my favorite season. I love this time of year and it always seems to be so busy. From now until New Year's, time will fly by. That makes the waiting a bit easier, I guess. How are my fellow waiters doing? Thanks for reading and I will try to post more faithfully!

Found a Flower

My blog tag line says that I'm stuck in the weeds of waiting, but looking for the flowers. The photo is one of the morning glories that greet me every morning in my back yard. The past 4 months, we have been trying to sell our house. We almost did last weekend, and the buyer backed out. I think that was a blessing. We've realized that selling isn't a bad idea, but it is not the wisest decision for us right now. So, instead of focusing on all the things we dislike about our house and neighborhood, we are focusing on all the things we like. The "for sale" sign is coming down.

Funny how when you zoom in on the good stuff in your life, your attitude is cheerful and calm. On the flip side, when you think about all that isn't perfect, all the stuff you don't have, all the things that could go wrong, your attiude and stress level suffer. It's hard to remember how lucky we are, isn't it? Am I the only one who constantly struggles in this area? What are you zooming in on in your life these days? Are your thoughts full of good stuff or stress?

I'm gonna go smell the flowers...our flowers in our yard at our house. Happy Thursday!